101 Rules for Hetalians Attending World Meetings
by Teal Tribbles
Summary: A list of rules and regulations for any and all Hetalians to follow in the conference room. All regulations will be enforced by Herr Schtick. Co-written on a joint account between D12T and Teal Phoenix


101 Rules For Hetalians Attending World Conference Meetings

1. Do not hum any song from _The Sound of Music_ when you walk by Austria

2. Do not rearrange place cards to sit your OTP together

3. Do not glomp Russia... this is a bad idea

4. No matter how much you think he deserves it, do will not sneak Sealand in

5. Sitting Hungary by Prussia is not a good thing

6. Not even if you want to see your favorite scene from Tangled played out in Hetalia form

7. Do not give love advice to Germany

8. He WILL misinterpret it

9. If you hand England a pirate hat, nothing good will come of it

10. Spain tied up and at sword-point is not good

11. I don't care if it's your fetish, it's not good

12. Playing Nyancat at a world conference will be classified as terrorism. You will be shot

13. Repeatedly

14. In the face

15. Playing the caramelldansen has two effects. Either it pisses Sweden off, or it gets him horny

16. Neither one is pleasant

17. If you bring food, you better bring some Fancy Feast too. The Greek Army is finicky

18. Talking to France is just bad idea in general

19. Especially if you're alone and value your virginity

20. Even if you're a guy

21. Even if you're not human

22. Okay, if you have a PULSE you're not safe

23. And even if you don't, there's no guarantee...

24. Allowing for Gilbird to meet Pierre will cause another Franco-Prussian War, but with feathers

25. Either that, or tiny little chicks

26. Or both

27. Don't load the coffee machine with Espresso

28. It's loaded with Decaf for a reason

29. Don't try and drag England into a Revolutionary War reenactment

30. BAAAAAD things come of it

31. If you play Tetris with Russia, you will lose

32. Asking Spain about the armada never ends well

33. Don't ask Prussia if the tiny chinstraps on his hats reflect anything

34. Don't record the sound of Ukraine's breasts bouncing

35. It's rude and Russia will beat the crap out of you for it

36. Don't ask Germany about the content of the tapes Italy saw

37. Also, don't ask him about what he got for Christmas

38. Don't hop up on the table and exclaim that duck-tape is the answer to all the world's problems

39. It's duck-tape and WD40 that will solve them all anyway

40. Suggesting to America that everyone should form a superhero squadron is a horrible idea

41. It's almost impossible to find Canada unless you're Canadian, if you're from anywhere else, don't bother

42. This is NOT the answer

43. Don't call England 'Iggy'

44. Never ask for a group photo, South Korea sees these as opportune moments

45. Don't throw paper planes at Switzerland, he'll shoot them

46. If you get America McDonalds, be prepared to get your spine broken in the 'most awesomely heroic hug EVER!'

47. Don't ask about what went on during the 1985 Summit meetings, Russia and America don't seem to acknowledge or understand innuendo

48. Going near Russia in the presence of Belarus is unwise

49. Seriously, we've had more than one funeral because of this

50. For the love of all that is holy, DON'T SHOW ITALY OR AMERICA CREEPYPASTA!

51. Though if you do, we suggest you have warm milk, teddy bears, and a camera ready

52. Do not, under any circumstances, EVER show France or Japan the Hetalia Kink Meme

53. Don't fistbump America unless you want to get hurled through a wall

54. Getting England drunk, while hilarious, will strand you with the bill

55. Don't brush Denmark off by telling him to go hump a horse

56. He will do it

57. No, you can't take pictures

58. Don't. Steal. Texas.

59. Don't sit America and Canada next other during the Stanley Cup Playoffs

60. Don't join the betting pools on how long it takes for Germany to lose it

61. We all know it takes one minute and 18 seconds anyway

62. Stealing America's iPhone gives access to every game known to man, and several known to only Tony

63. If you manage to steal it, share

64. Do not accept offers to become one with Russia

65. Don't perv on anyone

66. ...Screw rule 65

67. If you know what I mean~

68. Don't ask for any nation to autograph your antiques

69. Don't refer to stalking as 'Belarusing'

70. Don't stroke Prussia's ego

71. Don't tell Prussia that he only lives on as 'New Prussia' in Canada, and is thus Canadian

72. We all know he's East Germany anyway...

73. Don't try to trigger HRE memories in Germany

74. They will happen when they damn well feel like it

75. HOWEVER, if you manage to find an adult size of Italy's old maid dress, you may want to try it

76. Don't accept Greece's private offers unless it's necessary

77. Talking in Lolcatz is considered another form of terrorism

78. Don't give America and Canada the Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum parts of Alice In Wonderland to say

79. Don't make fun of China's speech impediment... aru...

80. Making England wear a monocle and top hat is cruel

81. It is, however, entertaining

82. Do not, EVER, give America a shotgun and tell him that Russia went communist again

83. Shit hits the fan

84. Just because almost everyone is blond doesn't mean they need hair dye

85. Staking out your favorite country's hotel room is illegal

86. Don't ask Iceland about the penis museum

87. Singing Maru Kaite Chikyuu ontop of the table has the less-than-desirable effect of getting you booted from the conference room

88. Don't try and cop and accent, this will get you branded as a tool

89. Stealing Hanatamago is instant death

90. This also applies to Russia's vodka

91. Even if you use it to make white Russians

92. Playing the Friday song also counts as terrorism

93. Don't mention Justin Beiber or Celine Deon to Canada

94. Just... just don't do it

95. If you give America a burger he'll want a soda to go with it

96. And then he'll need apple pie to compliment it...

97. Killing is illegal, just keep this in mind if you run across a rival shipper

98. Shipping wars are not permitted inside the conference room

99. OUTSIDE the conference room, on the other hand, is a completely different story

100. Always obey rule 101

101. The last rule was eaten by Soviet Russia, all nations will become one, da~? ^J^


End file.
